Why I have a job...

About an hour into nursing school, we were informed that the market was flooded with nurses and new grads would have a difficult time finding a job. This was pounded into our heads from day one. By the start of second semester, I decided maybe it was time I started looking for a job...so I could have a foot in the door. I briefly looked, but nothing came of it. I became concerned. I started praying. And I decided to start fasting. I fasted every Sunday for over a year. After a lot of thought and prayer, I decided that a job was not right for me, but maybe volunteering was. So, I applied at four different hospitals. One hospital was extremely rude and I decided I'd rather die than work there. There were no openings at another hospital and one other wouldn't return my call. I finally had some luck with Community Regional Medical Center. I started volunteering basically taking discharged patients from their hospital room to their vehicles and running labs and stuff back and forth. It was pretty dull. I didnt' feel like I was making any progress towards getting an in. And then, there was a new opportunity opening for "cuddlers" in the NICU. I signed up! I interviewed and got a position (volunteer) and started doing that job. It was hard. Nurses were not very cool about letting us hold their babies. But there were a few who were receptive. Whenever I got a nurse who would let me hold her baby, I made conversation and let them know I was a nursing student. After several months, I got tired of not being able to hold babies very often. Then, a nurse stopped me in the hallway, asked if I was Michelle Edwardson, and if a particular supervisor had found me yet. I was sure she was mistaken. I left the supervisor a note and gave her my contact information. I heard nothing from her, so I made an appointment with the Director. My intention was to get her to talk to the nurses and let us hold the babies! However, when I walked in her office, I heard myself say..."I want a job. How do I go about getting one?" She offered to create an extern position for me, which she did. Unfortunately, it didn't work out since my school didn't have a contract with that hospital. I was very discouraged...very discouraged. But, I kept volunteering. Meanwhile, a very coveted position came up at Kaweah Delta Hospital as a student nurse intern. I knew it was an opportunity to get in the door. I did NOT want to work at Kaweah Delta, mainly because they start at 6:00 AM and I live an hour away. Not cool! Getting up at 3:45 in the morning for school clinicals twice a week AND working as an intern would have been VERY difficult. However, I had an in! The position was in a unit where a former instructor of mine worked and she offered to give me a recommendation! So, I applied and got an interview. I prepared A LOT for the interview. I knew all the answers to all the questions they could ask. And when I went for the interview, I CHOKED! Really choked! Like I've never choked before! What the...? In the end, I was sad that I didn't get the job because my interview SUCKED! However, I was RELIEVED not to have to drive down there an extra day or two every week because I knew my family would have taken the brunt of that deal...and it wouldn't have been pretty. Fast forward to graduation. I graduated! And I took the boards three days later. I made an appointment with the Director of the NICU the day after I took my boards. I made the appointment and planned on asking how to get a job there. However, when I was greeted by the Director, she basically sent me to the nurse supervisors. They explained the terms of the job to me and I had a job! Just like that! No interview. No stress. Just a job. Five days after graduation. Unheard of. Blessed. It was no accident things happened as they did. It was no accident that I started volunteering at this particular hospital. It was no accident that they created the NICU cuddler program when they did. And it was no accident that I befriended the nurses that would eventually ask the supervisors to hire me. Heavenly Father cleared a path for me...right where I needed to be. When I went to nursing school, pediatrics was of interest to me as was labor and delivery. But NICU is where I belong. It's where I fit. I feel so blessed to have been directed along this path and given such a huge blessing of a job in a really difficult economy for nurses. Fasting works. And Heavenly Father has a plan for us. Whether we know it or not, he does. We're really just along for the ride. Now if only I could relax along the ride...life would be a lot more pleasant!

I can do hard things...

A few weeks ago I started working night shift. Anyone who knows me knows how much I like to sleep. I like to go to bed early and sleep as long as I can. It's my hobby. Sleeping. Can't get enough. Literally. Being a new grad ane new on the job, night shift is just one of the rites of passage. I don't have a choice. I will have to do it until a shift opens up on days and my name comes up on the "list" of "Please move me to days people". I am somewhat of a whiner. Really. But I've been trying to keep this all in perspective. My kids are generally gone until 4:30 p.m. School gets out and then they are involved in sports activities so they are gone all day. I can literally come home and sleep from 8:30ish to 4:30ish. Plenty of sleep. Technically. Except that I'm an insomniac at night and even worse trying to sleep in the days. I spend my nights at work fighting to stay awake and fighting even more to remain mentally alert. It's an ICU people! These babies are sick and they need a nurse who is awake and competent..neither of which I feel at night at work. I loved my 5 weeks orienting on days. It was soooo busy. All the different people are in and out..doctors, speech therapist, occupational therapists, respiratory therapists, ultra sound techs, x-ray techs, parents, family members, etc. etc. All the procedures happen during the day. All the craziness happens during the day. The days go by FAST! Nights, on the other hand are the opposite. There is always a doctor somewhere in the unit, but that's about it. No excitement. No procedures. No nothing. Which is exactly why lots of nurses really like to work night. You do what you have to do and generally have plenty of time to read, be on the internet, text, whatever...all of which are big no no's during the day. No one is there at night to enforce the rules so no one cares. Which....is exactly why I'm bored out of my mind all night long. I can't do all those fun things yet because I am orienting and someone is looking over my shoulder. I just try to keep moving so I don't keel over in the middle of the night. Anywho..that's not what this post really is about. I've been trying to get my family on some sort of regular routine when i work nights. I have really wanted to be better about scripture study with them so I have started reading it to them over dinner before I go to work (I rarely it what they're eating and when they're eating...so it's not a big deal to do it that way.) Tonight we were reading in first Nephi about when the Lord told Nephi to go back to Jerusalem and get the plates and he basically said, "I can do hard things." Many times I expect my kids to do "hard things." It's just part of life. It made me realize...working nights is hard. But I can do it. And I think I will be more blessed if I do it without being such a whiner. So...good things about nights...More $. We are trying to pay off Rick's student loan and the second on our house (which we got when we initially purchased the house to avoid PMI). A couple more months and we'll have that second on our house done with. Sweet. The more money I make, the faster I can do something more fun with the money than paying off stupid debts...Fun stuff...like get Carter braces and save for missions... Rick is amazing. He handles everything when I am working. When I work nights, I can get the kids from practices, go to their sports competitions, fix dinner, and do all the after school stuff. I head off to work and they only have another hour or so before they're in bed anyway (where I wish I were headed too...but boo hoo for me). If one of the kids is sick, they can stay home with me. Even if I'm sleeping, I'm here... I'm tired all the time whether I work nights or days. Might as well get paid more for being tired. I'm an insomniac. If I'm gonna be awake, might as well get paid for it, right? Once I am on my own without a preceptor, I can read and do other things at night to keep myself awake. Anywho, the point of this is that right now I have to do a hard thing. It sucks, but I can make it suck less. This is a temporary situation, not permanent. I am going to keep this in mind next time I have to make my kids do something hard. It sucks. But it's doable. So suck it up and do it (talking to myself here, not the kids...).

Weekend long date with Jake...

A couple weekends ago, Rick took Carter, Bella, and Malia to So. Cal to visit the grandparents. I couldn't go because I worked on Saturday and Monday. Jake couldn't go because he had a scout campout on Friday and Saturday. Saturday night, I got off early and Jake was done by 5:00, so the date began. We talked about our options and decided on a movie. Jake was excited to go to the movie, even though it was with me! I know these days are short lived, but it was nice to have him be excited to hang out with me. Sunday we went to church followed by a nice long nap in the quiet house. By the afternoon, I decided to introduce him to a classic...Ferris Bueler's Day off. I think I may regret that at some point, but we had a great time watching it. We made gluten free peanut butter chocolate chip cookie bars. I ate one and Jake chipped away at the rest of the pan. By the next morning, the whole thing was gone! I ended up having Monday off, but he had a commitment so we met up at lunchtime and went to Doghouse Grill, one of his favorites. By the time we got home, the troops were on their way back. I so enjoyed having the whole weekend with Jake. He is such a good kid. He's funny. He gets my sense of humor. He's game for anything. He would've been an awesome only child. I know as he gets older, my one on one time with him will be less and less as he will have other places he'd rather be. But I will cherish the time we spent that weekend just enjoying each other's company. He was genuinely happy to have me all to himself, and I felt the same. This past weekend, Jake (and Bella) competed in Destination Imagination, as they have done for the past couple years. Jake's team took first place in regionals and Bella's took second. It had been agreed upon beforehand that no team would go to state because it was being held in San Diego which presented its share of hardships both timewise and financially. However, I was asked a few days after the competition if we would allow Jake and his team to go if they raised the money to do so and figured out a way to get down there and back. Though I was sad that Bella wouldn't have the opportunity, we decided to allow him to do so. Not all the parents felt the same way. In the end, one set of parents would not allow their child to go. That child has been a good friend of Jake's since we moved here. When Jake learned of this situation, he and his friends had a talk at school. Jake and the other boy decided they dind't feel good about leaving their friend behind, so they opted not to go. When Jake shared this with me, I could not have been more proud. Though I allowed him to make his own decision, the fact that he valued his friendship with this one child more than a competition (which her very much wanted to attend) made me a proud parent. I've learned that there are times when as parents we have to step back and allow our children to make their own choices, and accept the consequences. The rest of the team is not particularly happy with Jake or the other two. However, all three boys who will not be attending the competition are still going to help with fundraising and teaching the new team members their parts in the skit. Hopefully, this will lessen the blow to the disapointed remaining team members and allow for their friendships to continue. They are a great bunch of kids. Jake's growing up...

This one's for me...

It's been awhile. But this week, I had an unusual experience (for me, anyway) and I wanted to write about it. Since no one reads this blog anymore, I figure it's a safe place. Thursday was a special day for us. Bella turned 10. My beautiful daughter has officially entered the tween years. I had worked three 12's the previous three days. And maybe that's the reason I was feeling so grateful to have the whole day to prepare for her birthday. I made her requested breakfast (also unusual for me), shopped for her and picked up her cake and ordered the pizza for her friend party at the local trampoline place. Throughout the day, I reflected on the months prior to her birth. Rick was in lawschool, I had a toddler and a baby at home...and another baby was coming. I had resigned myself to the fact we would have all boys. In my 7th month of pregnancy, we learned she was a girl. But I didn't believe it. I couldn't allow myself to believe it, because I wanted it sooo bad. I remember frantically asking the moment whe was gone, what is it? What is it? My mom, also my L&D nurse looked at me and said in a very duh! tone...It's a girl, just like they told you. And then, the tears flowed. Interestingly, it was the only time I ever cried at a delivery. Not that I was any less excited or happy with my other children, but I had not allowed myself to hope until she was in my arms. I looked at her and melted. My dreams had come true. Those next two days in the hospital, when I was alone, she was always in my arms. I didn't want to set her down. I was in heaven. And I continued to cherish and adore her. She was always dressed so adorable with something in her hair so people would know whe was a girl. I remember my excitement when I could finally put pigtails in her hair. She was so beautiful. Fast forward 10 years. She is still the most beautiful girl. She is smart, so smart. She is kind and generous. Just today we were shopping, spending her birthday giftcards and she spent about half her money on a gift for Aunt Courtney's wedding and one treat for each of the kids. This is routine for her...she always buys something for her siblings, even when they aren't being very nice. At Christmas time, we donated money as a family to a children's cancer Christmas. She freely gave every penny she had to the cause and recruited a friend of hers to donate as well. She isn't afraid to share the gospel and invite her friends to church. She is wise beyond her years, almost like an old soul. She looks out for others. She has a friend who she met shortly after moving to Fresno. They went to preschool together. In elementary school, this child has struggled with friends. Bella always makes sure he has someone to hang out with and that he's included. She does this all on her own because she genuinely is concerned for others. I have been very blessed with such a wonderful daughter. Make no mistake about it, she is a sassy one. She is confident and sure of herself. She knows what she wants and she'll let you know. She is strong. So as she enters her teenage years, I hope I will always remember her 10-year-old self. She is such a blessing in our family and I will be forever grateful we have been blessed to be her earthly parents.