Yes I said the world hell. You all know it's my favorite word. Now on to the details...
10. The completely wasted time. i.e., they numb you up and then let you sit for 45 minutes while they torture someone else and then halfway through the procedure have to numb you up some more because you are coming out of the anesthetic. And that's after you have waited in the waiting room for at least 1/2 hour.
9. The smell. Burning teeth. Anesthetic. Fluoride. That sick topical they put on. Mouthwash. Nasty dentist toothpaste. The vomit in the room next to you from a kid scared to death. The dentist's cologne or perfume as the case may be. It's all just generally repulsive.
8. The BORING white ceiling. Come on people, you know your patients are going to be staring at the ceiling...so put the t.v. up there or something.
7. No treats! Who goes through this kind of torture and isn't offered a treat for their effort?
6. The crying children! Poor kids are being drilled on, shot up, and scraped and cleaned and then probably chastized for not brushing whether they really have brushed or not. Some people just have sucky teeth...i.e., Malia.
5. Having to repeat over and over to myself, stop clinching your arms, legs and stomach. Stop it. Relax your hands. Relax your feet. Breathe...in and out through your nose. Slowly. Stop clinching your fists again. Relax. And literally, praying while in the chair that I'll be able to endure the torture for however long it takes.
4. The terrible neck kink resulting from laying almost upside down and turning your head in as many awkward positions you can think of. And also, the headrush I get when I stand up because my head has been lower than the rest of my body for the last hour.
3. The shots. Though welcome relief from whatever they're doing, sometimes I swear they're shooting that needle right up my nose. And if they hit a nerve on the way in..that jolting feeling. AHHHHHHHHH!
2. The lasting numbness. Currently, 1/2 of my face is numb all the way up to my eyebrow. And that includes my drooping eyelid. I'm HOT right now, I tell you, H-O-T- Hot. Rick said I look like a botched botox job and Jake said I look like that ipod app where you can distort people's faces.
1. THE NOISE. OH THE NOISE. The horrible drilling and high pitch squeal of all those instruments they use. The scraping when they're cleaning their teeth. Not even an ipod on full volume can drown out the horrid noises that come from that place.
And that folks is why when I see Hell, it will have under it in very large letters...Welcome to Clovis Dental.
