Rough Day

It has been a while since I have actually posted anything, but something happened the other day that made me think, and seeing how I am the only person in the world without their own blog, I thought I could share it with you and take advantage of Michelle's.

So I was sitting at work on Friday like any other day. Mom had called around 9:00 and I was talking to her on the phone. Then my work phone rang and it was Lisa but I didn't answer. Then within a couple of minutes it rang again. So I got off the phone with Mom and answered the call from Lisa.

About two weeks ago, Lisa had a contact replaced. It had been bothering her so she set an appointment with the eye doctor, this last Friday. She goes in and he cant see anything wrong with it and says everything looks fine. Then she mentions that Adelle has a little white spot in her eye. It has been there ever since she was born. It is a very small white spot in the middle of the black part of her right eye. We noticed it soon after she was born but never thought anything of it. Well, Lisa explained it to her optometrist and he said he would take a look at it. Because Adelle is only 5 months old, it is difficult for her to keep her eyes still for very long. He talked with Lisa about it and said, you need to get in and get this looked at right away. A white spot in the eye is a symptom of Retinoblastoma. I can't remember if he told Lisa or if she read it online that it is the number one killer of children under the age of three or something like that.

It is amazing how quickly your whole life can get turned upside down. Lisa went home and called to set up an appointment with the specialist. After being pushed from one person to the next (because they don't want you to see anyone without a referral) they are able to get us an appointment at 2:30 pm that day. So then came the fun part, waiting.

My thoughts were anywhere other than work. I thought about a huge range of possibilities. I thought everything from maybe she will lose an eye or maybe we are going to lose her. Then I thought, well maybe this will be a great missionary opportunity. Maybe it will give us the opportunity to teach everyone about the resurrection. Maybe it will help us to share the gospel with someone. In my head I was running through the principles that we have all been taught. She will be saved because she is a child. We will still be able to raise her in the millennium, and (don't take this the wrong way) but maybe it will be easier then because we won't be so tired in the middle of the night. (I know that probably sounds horrible, but she has had a rough couple of weeks lately sleeping...or not sleeping for that matter) I thought, life is going too smoothly right now. My job is good. My studying is going well. We are all healthy. Our callings are good. Everything was too perfect, its about time that something came along to keep us humble. I thought maybe she will just lose one eye. Would she have to have a glass eye? (Please, not Mr. Pletta) I thought, had I just been totally clueless? Had I missed any promptings telling me that the spot in her eye was a problem? Am I already a failure as a father?

Anyways, I was doing pretty well for a while. In my mind, I was going to be strong and it was going to be fine I could handle it. Then, I had to go tell my boss that I needed to leave early to go to the appointment. My boss (who is in my Stake presidency) is a really great guy. I really love working with him and he is a good friend too. So of course he asked, whats up? why do you need to leave early. So then I had to explain it to him. Putting the situation into verbal words was so much more difficult than I had imagined.

So I left and we got home and Adelle was fast asleep when I got there. I saw the tiny little baby sleeping on Lisa and my heart just hurt. She is such a beautiful little girl. She is a good baby. We have had a couple of rough nights, but she is a good baby. So we go to the doctor's and just sit, waiting for a while.

Neither Lisa or I had much to talk about or much to say because we were both some combination of nervous, scared, etc. We get called in and sit down and the doctor comes in. Then he puts on some crazy devices to help him get a better look at her eye. He looks and doesn't say much for a while. Then he says he needs to dilate her eyes so he can get a better look. While he was getting the stuff together to do that, Lisa mentions what the other doctor said and he says, oh no, that is not at all what that is. That is not even in my thought process. This looks like something on the lens and is completely unrelated. After further exams, he determined that it is just a little genetic defect on the lens of her eye. He compared it to a little water spot. It is not anything that will grow or change or ever be a problem in the future. He said that as soon as she is old enough to have her vision tested, he would expect her to have 20/20 vision. It should not affect her vision in any way. Wow, the relief that we felt coming out of there was indescribable. We are thinking that optometrist wasn't able to get a good view of it because Adelle was looking around so much. It is difficult to see unless you are staring right at her. Even then, the reflection or glare of the light off of her eye often prevents you from being able to see it. When you see her you probably won't even notice it unless you remember this story.

I was telling this guy in my ward, my oldest child is not even 2 1/2 and I have already had several experiences with them to make sure I know how precious they are. Between Lisa's bed rest with Sarah for 4 months, Lisa's phone call telling me to meet her at the emergency room after Sarah's seizures, the miscarriage in our bedroom, and now this, I am gaining a great appreciation for my special little girls. Then I thought about Carter's recent experience too. And Kristin's recent experience with Charlie. Luckily for all of us, things have all turned out well. We may have had some scares, but at least we are all still around to talk about it. These experiences will all serve as little reminders of just how precious these little children are. One day everything is fine, and one day it is not. You just never know how long you or they will have. I am definitely not complaining. So far I feel very lucky that I have had these difficult experiences without anything really major going wrong. I got home that night and gave Sarah the biggest hug I had given her in a long time. The hugs just aren't the same after experiences like this. They mean so much more. I just wanted to tell you all to make sure you give your kids an extra hug before they go to bed. Even if nothing ever goes wrong, they will all get old and move out eventually so we have to enjoy them while we have them.

-Matty

P.S. When I realized how long post was, I officially decided it is time to start my own blog so that I don't take up so much space on this one and so you only have to read my mindless dribble if you really want to, not just so you can get to the next post. So I don't really have a name yet, but it will definitely be a private blog though, so I will be in touch for email addresses to tell you when I get a blog.