death by a million pecks

So this morning, I'm out for my morning run. I'm nearing the end and thinking to myself "hmm, I'm feeling better than usual. This is great!" And then I hear this sort of manic chirping from this bird overhead. I look up and see a face that all too closely resembled this:



In about 3 tenths of a second, I realized that face was headed directly for my head. No, I'm completely dead serious. This mad crazy bird was dive bombing me. Total Kamikaze. I practically hit the deck and took crash position. I completely panicked. I mean, in which of my college general eds was I prepared to defend myself from the attacks of a rabid bird. I had no idea what to do. Each time I got up and tried to carry on my way, the attack would resume.

Well, the long story short is after what seemed like an eternity (and in reality was probably 30 seconds or so) I had had enough of trying to outrun the crazy beast and the bird had made it clear that it was not concerned about my best efforts to whack him with my spastic arm waving. This thing was relentless in its pursuit to obliterate me (Yes, I'm aware that the bird was probably like 1 1/4 lbs in total body weight but that is beside point. Did I mention that I'm pretty sure it had rabies?)

I did the only thing I could think of. I threw my Ipod at it. And then my cell phone. Yep, that's right. Both of them, hurled at the maniacal freak. I was certain that that would put an end to the madness. I WAS WRONG!! The bird was just crazy before this move. Now the bird was crazy and mad as all get out. Well, my fight or flight reflex had used up its first option so flight was my only option. I tore out of the park and ran straight home and into my room where I woke Adam up and scared the bejabbers out of him before I could explain that the reason I was hysterical was because we needed to go to the park to reclaim my phone that I was too chicken (no pun intended) to retrieve in the middle of my bird throwdown. Fortunately, he was kind enough to not openly mock me and instead braved the bird (who incidentally did NOT dive bomb him) and reclaimed my phone.

Seriously? Who does this kind of ridiculosity happen to? I wish it had been videotaped. It would be hilarious to see again.

My Family Went to Disneyland Without Me and Left Me at Home By Myself to do Really Really Hard Work: DAY ... Whatever

Okay, so I finished the travertine floors a couple months back. I was waiting until after I finished putting up the baseboards to post pictures, but that was delayed while I was working on the entertainment center. Well, I'm mostly done with that project (just need to do a few touchups), and I was reminded recently that I hadn't finished my posts on the flooring (thanks Ginger), so here they are, before and after (baseboards only partially completed - rounded corners are a real pain when it comes to mouldings). The before pictures show crappy linoleum in the kitchen and bath, ugly cheapo carpet in the eating area and hallway, and a few useless tiles in the front entry. The natural stone is a deginite upgrade.

The hallway and front entry before:

After:

The kitchen before:

And after:

The dining area and kitchen before:

And after:

One thing I learned in all this is that I really don't enjoy tiling all that much. I could at least contemplate an alternative career doing manual labor, such as woodworking, but definitely not tiling. Good thing I only have a couple more, much smaller, tiling projects to do in the house, and then I can retire.

In his dreams

Brandon and I played a game or two of lightsaber battles on Star Wars: The Clone Wars for Wii. A while later we had the following conversation:

Brandon: Daddy, next time we play lightsaber battles I'm going to work your action.

Me: Is that before or after you wake up?

Brandon (resolutely): Before.

I can see that Brandon definitely has the family propensity for dreaming.

I used to dream that I was on the Lakers. I would be at practice. In the middle of a jump, I would look in front of my face and realize I was so high up there that I may as well dunk the ball while I was at it. It was effortless. Inevitably, morning would come and reality would set in. :(

Dad - This one's for you

I saw a bumper sticker on the way to work. It read:

I LOVE CATS.

They taste like chicken.

Highlight of roadtrip home from New Mexico

I picked up some beef jerky for a little snack and passed some around. At first Malia said she didn't want any. A while later, Malia says from the back seat, "Dad, can I have some of your beefness?"

How could I give any response other than ... "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!"

The Catch

Though perhaps premature since we just started out (I'm told it happens to everyone on occasion), I experienced yesterday what will likely be the climax of my New Mexico vacation. After playing a video game with Carter, I came upstairs to hear that Katie saw a mouse run across the kitchen countertop as she was preparing dinner. The mouse reportedly stopped behind a toaster oven sitting kitty corner on the countertop. After Justin called the owner of the house to tell him he had to take care of this rodent issue immediately, we decided we had to take action. We could not allow the mouse to remain in the kitchen. After discussing various ideas for trapping the mouse, I came up with a brilliant idea. It involved using the wand of the vacuum to grab hold of the mouse and hold him in place, move it over a trash can, and cut the power to the vacuum, cleanly dropping it into the trash can. Since I could see the mouse over the top of the toaster oven, curled up in the corner scared s@%#less (the droppings throughout the house confirmed this), we decided I would trap it back there before removing the toaster oven, to avoid making it run. (Stealth and surprise are always keys to success in operations such as this.)

So I obtained visual confirmation that the rodent was still there, and turned on the vacuum. With Justin taking a flanking position with a broom and the trash can, I inserted the wand behind the toaster oven into the corner. We promptly heard a loud thump as the vacuum wand found purchase (you know - the sound the vacuum makes when you place the wand on your skin). At that point things started going bad for the mouse. As it struggled violently against the vacuum wand's sucky grip, we heard another succession of unexpected thumps and I felt the mouse being pulled through the tubing into the heart of the vacuum. At that point I jumped and let out a Warrior's cry of victory (Michelle later described it more as a woman's squeal of fright and surprise, but I think that's just revisionist history used to advance a personal agenda - Justin will back me up on this). Maybe you had to be there, but it was HILARIOUS!! That mouse was no match for The Rodent Busters.

I'm HOT!!!

As I was out it my front yard the other day doing some yard work, Brandon started to ask about brain surgery. The conversation started by him asking if they really have to shave a person's head before brain surgery. I said they did. Somehow, that led to Brandon making a comment to the effect that without hair a head is not handsome. I made some remark about the implication of that with respect to myself.

Brandon is perceptive and responded by saying, "You're handsome ... with a hat on."

EXCUSE ME!!!!

Well, luckily, my daughter has my back. Within a day or two of that, Brooke, unprompted, said "You are handsome."

So, Brandon is going to get worked.

Brooke on the other hand, can have anything she wants.

Happy Birthday Marky!

if there's anything I miss when college football season rolls around, it's waking up early in the morning to watch College Gameday on ESPN with Mark and Mark leading us all in a heartfelt 8-clap and him "having a plan" for every situation when the Bruins find themselves losing.

if there's anything i miss about not living by mark now that I have a baby of my own, it's having someone to tell my 9 month old to get a baby job.

if there's anything i miss when it comes time for a long weekend, it's stallion road trips.

if there's anything i miss on weekends, it's going on double dates with mark (complete with stallion brownies afterwards) because no one knows how to come up with better, off the wall, more hilarious things to do on a weekend than Marky. Or on Valentines Day...or at a Stake Dance...I could go on and on but those were some good times Marky.

If there's anything I miss from being on our missions, it's the hilarious antics/ tales of Mark from Montana. I tell you what. I may have lived south of the Equator but Mark was the one in a foreign country. And even with his kook show companions, he made it all seem so funny. He was so much fun to be serving a mission with, even if we were a million miles apart.

If there's anything I miss from Mark during the really hard times of life, it's how he was always so patient, kind, funny and always there. From driving to and from Utah in 24 hours with to being my closest friend right after i graduated college. Mark alone would put up with me when i was taking ap tests or trying out for cheerleading each year or when i was stressed out of my mind the night before my wedding. and then he went and married one of my favorite people in the world so I could be related to her forever. Now THAT is love. :)

Mark is the most pure hearted kid I've ever known. He has the best, most contagious laugh. He is an example in everything he does, but he never gives it a thought. He's an example just because he is Mark...his very way of existing is something to aspire to be. There is no one with more honorable intentions than this kid. We love you Marky and hope you have the best birthday ever. Come on, folks. What else do we love about Marky?

WARNING.....

If you call my house in the AM, you will get Malia on the other end. (I will be exercising or in the shower). She will tell you about whatever is on her mind, whether you like it or not. For example, this morning, my assistant den leader called me back and she told her that she was watching the Princess and the Pauper. She informed her that it was her favorite movie and she had one just like Nana. Then she told her that she is a very lucky girl. The conversation lasted several minutes before Malia relented and agreed to give me the telephone. This is not a one time thing. This happens every time someone calls in the morning...hence the warning. And, in the phone conversation, you will definitely hear about "Nana." Malia talks about her incessantly. Adorable...unless you actually have a purpose for calling and time constraints. Don't believe me? Try it...I dare you.

Update on Uncle Paul

As many of you know Paul has been fighting Lymphoma for 7 years. when Scott was still alive he took care of his dad in the hospital during his surgery for a brain tumor (also related to the lymphoma). He has undergone every chemo and radiation available and was beginning round 2 of an experimental chemo when he took a rather drastic change for the worse. The lesions on his legs as a result of Agent Orange to which he was exposed in Viet Nam have grown and become
open sores which bleed when the dressing is changed. Monday 6/1 he was readmitted to Kaiser for reevaluation of his condition. Tuesday night he was sent home on hospice with less than 2 months to live. i am grateful for what I learned when my mom was sick and for my nursing training which allows me to help Kay to care for him. He is unable to eat more than a few bites at once, he is unable to drink anything that isnt thickened to pudding consistency and he is only able to speak in a whisper and only a few words at once. He is in and out of coherence most of the day and must be given morphine before we change the dressings on his legs which must be done 2x each day. Kay is such a trooper and you can be very proud of their kids who have rallied together for each other and for their dad. Kaiser is providing Hospice Care - a nurse, home health aid, social worker and occasional MD but Eric has taken leave of his job so he can be available to help his mom. Paul still weighs 265lbs and stands 6-5 so turning him and holding up his legs for dressing changes etc is definitely a multiperson job. Robert and Debbie are there daily to help. Robert will be a father in about 4 months. Danny is available 24 hrs a day to his mom when she needs his brawn to help with his Dad. Stacy lives in Arizona with her husband and 3 little girls and drives in Sunday afternoon and stays until Wednesday evening when she returns to Arizona and takes care of her hair clients Thursday, friday and Saturday - busy girl.
Kay is blessed to have Scotts daughter with them every day also. Please keep them in your prayers - as you can imagine they are all exhausted and need all the strength they can derive from friends and prayers. Mark and Larry were able to give Paul a blessing last Sunday night before the last trip to the hospital and I know kay was very grateful for that. This is a little close to home for Dad so keep him in your prayers too. Thanks for caring.

It has begun...

Bella is 6 going on 16. Last week, we wandered around the mall with Nana because that's what Malia wanted to do on her birthday. Bella was eyeing some things but I wouldn't let her buy anything because it was Malia's birthday and Bella didn't have any money with her. Since then, she has been nagging me incessantly to go back to the mall. Today, I gave in. Fine, we'll go to the mall (on our way to do about 20 other errands). We went there first to avoid any further nagging on the subject. And then...it began. She immediately headed for Claires where she proceded to tell me which bracelets/earings are "cool" and which ones are not. She tried on headbands and flipflops and rings. None of them was just right. She finally set her sights on something, only to change her mind. So we spent maybe 1/2 hour in Claires looking at everything. Finally Bella decided to go to Bath and Body and try on lipstick. Seriously people...I had things to do here. And she wanted to try on every stinking lipstick in that place...and THERE'S A LOT OF THEM! How does this look Mom? Which one do you like better Mom? Which one do you think I should get? REALLY? We're doing this already? I thought we'd wait til she was a tween or something...but at the ripe old age of 6, her new favorite hobby is wandering the mall and looking for something in her budget. Mind you, not just anything will do...it has to be perfect. And finally, she settled on a lipstick from bath and body. It's white and sparkly. Why she liked it? I have no idea. Kind of reminds me of the white lips sparkly '80's or something. But she's happy and she's quit nagging me. Nobody give her any money okay? I don't want to be dragged to the mall again for awhile. I should be grateful she's asking my opinion because I know that's going to change sooner rather than later. But all I could think about was the 20 other things I had to get done before the boys got home from school.