That's right. Poop. I received a call from my wife today as I was driving home from work. That is not all that uncommon. So, she asked when I would be home. Again, nothing out of the ordinary, except that I was actually leaving at a reasonable hour, thinking it might be a reasonably relaxing night for once. That's when she broke the news.
Earlier in the week, the girls had gotten into the closet in their room. Up til then, they hadn't been able to open the closet, so this was our first experience with TOTAL MAYHEM, TWIN-STYLE. They took some books that mean a lot to me and they literally ripped the pages out one by one. I know, those of the rest of you with kids are thinking "Big deal, kids do that all the time." Not like this they don't. I promise. It was an absolute war zone. I was so mad I could have spit nails.
So, last night, we put on those child-proof doorknobs. Let's just say they didn't work. The girls managed to break through it. And, they got into my bills, my tax returns, destroyed my filing cabinet, spread all of that all over the floor in a now near-unrecoverable manner. If that weren't enough, they went for the wedding album. They successfully removed several pictures. Fortunately, they didn't rip them. They just bent them and "decorated" them, as detailed below.
Yep, I'm going there. Brittany decided she wanted to go au-naturale. She took off her diaper. And yes, she decided to spread the poop throughout the room. That would include on the new area rug, the ottoman, the wedding pictures, the floor, the wall, etc.
So, let me tell you, that was a REALLY NICE SURPRISE. So, in case your day is really nice today, mine was accentuated with some poop.
22 comments:
Dale forgot to mention that it took 2.5 hours to clean up the room... and that's with TWO of us cleaning! I am fed-up, I don't know how to get the girls under control. I've tried everything in the book, separated them which didn't work (Brooke has MAJOR major separation anxiety when she's away from Brittany), we've tried putting them in every available room in the house because each room their in, they either almost seriously injure themselves, or absolutely destroy it, among many other things, too many to list. This is just during their nap time which obviously they don't take and it's not like they're tired either so they still very much need naps, but instead of napping they go into destruction mode. Now we have them back up in the media room AGAIN - which makes me feel like the worst mom in the world putting them in there because there are no windows and the doors are the kind that the only way to keep them closed and keep the girls from getting out at night is by tying the door knobs together... that's just wrong. Anyway, I really am beside myself. Sorry if this sounds really negative, just really frustrated and needed to vent.
whoops... typo. The part about them not being tired should say, "and it's not like they're NOT tired..."
Okay, I apologize now but I laughed outloud. Seriously, I was cracking up (at your expense). I realize it is not the least bit funny, but I could just imagine those little terrors. Seriously Steph, I don't even have any suggestions. Carter was my little monster, but there is only one of him. I put him in a bedroom with only a bed. the dressers were kept in the hallway as were all the toys/books/etc. I thought I was a genius. until one day he somehow managed to break both the windows in Kenzie's current bedroom (it was Carter and Jake's at the time). Seriously. It was Carter, a blanket, and a pillow and he managed to break both the windows that had survived nine children until that point. That is just one Carter story that brings back fond memories. I vividly remember him taking the shards of glass and throwing them against the metal bunkbed to make noise. He thought it was hysterical.
Anyway, good luck with that...you should take some pictures for posterity.
Can I just say how relieved I am that someone else has gone through this and to see that you've made it through helps me feel so much better! Also, let me just tell you that right after posting the new post, Dale let me leave for about an hour to have a break and I was still so frustrated with the whole not having control of my kids thing that I think it seriously caused me to have tunnel vision because while backing up the SUV, I ran over our trash can. That's never happened before, EVER. Today just keeps getting better and better.
I wasn't laughing until you wrote that you ran over the trash can . That was so funny!!! Sorry about the girls, they really sound like little monsters. Just think of all the stories you'll have to tell their children. It will irritate the h*** out of them when they're older and dealing with the same thing with their own kids. Sweet, sweet, revenge. ; )
Also along the lines of sweet revenge...at some point they'll have kids too and all we can hope for is that their kids will do this to them so you can both finally just laugh at it. When I talked to Dale last night, he seemed pretty close to the end of his rope. If you guys need a break (read: babysitter), please call me and I'll take over two headed monster duty for a while.
Hope it gets better for you guys.
I think Tamara and I have now decided against kids. We'll devote our lives to helping Dale and Steph with their twin poop cleanup. But if Brando starts taking off his diaper, I'm moving to Florida.
Hey, in fairness to Brandon, if Justin can, Brandon can.
I mean, Dale makes a good point. Justin and Kate...do we have a baby yet?
Two words, DUCT TAPE. The first time I got it out with the scissors to secure Basher's diaper she said, "Are you going to cut me?" and I seriously considered saying yes. She has also said, "Don't hurt me mom!" When she sees that maniac glint in my eye. And Steph, lock them into whatever room works, without guilt. They won't remember. Have you tried putting on a movie for them? Ash is big enough now that she will cooperate wtih nap time if I turn on a movie on the mini TV. If she is naughty (the two major offenses are screaming or taking off her pull-up) I turn the movie off.
And no, no baby. Tomorrow morning at 6:30 am we start, I'll be making calls hopefully in the afternoon. By the way, I think in fairness I should warn you before giving parenting advice, poor Camille was just trying to amuse herself after school while Ash has quiet time and I was laid out on the couch, only she kept talking to me in her high pitched whiney little voice and asking questions and wanting to do activities that she needed my help with and I finally screamed at her so loudly that now my head is throbbing and I couldn't get to sleep. Nice. The sooner this is all over the better.
I know this is dragging on, but I thought of something else. My mom said a girl in her ward was having problems with twins getting out of their cribs, so she told them they had to sleep in "monkey cages" and flipped the cribs over, with the mattress on the floor. She could lower the side rail to let them climb in, and raise it to lock them in. The kids loved it! We had a good laugh about that.
Another of my favorite tricks, cold bath. Make them stand in the tub without plugging the drain, turn the water on so it will get lukewarm eventually, and scrub away.
Monkey cages... now there's one I haven't heard before! I might just try that. They'd probably get a kick out of it and who know, maybe that will be the one thing that works and gets them to actually sleep for once. I've been struggling all day to keep the girls under control - Brittany has a major sweet tooth and earlier today, I caught her in the pantry and she had gotten into a bag of powdered sugar and was eating handfuls of it! Then, as soon as I got that under control, minutes later I found the girls on our staircase HALFWAY up the OUTSIDE of the staircase! (The stairs stick out from the banisters about three inches and they were climbing up those.) Then, soon after that I changed a couple poopy diapers and put them down for their nap up in the media room and not even 30 minutes later I hear Brooke yelling, "Mommy! Brittany has poopies!" So, I went up there and once again she had taken off her diaper and went poop all over our light beige carpet! So, got that cleaned up, and since then had to go up there about 5 times because of fighting, crying, lights being turned back on and crib mattresses being thrown across the room. They're still not asleep. I don't know what's happened, it's like all of a sudden just in a matter of days they have gone from pretty bad terrible twos to so bad that it couldn't possibly get any worse, but it does! Someone please shoot me now. I think I'm going to suggest the Monkey Cages to Dale tonight. If it doesn't work for the girls, I may need it for me.
That miniature tv thing sounds pretty cool. It would either work beautifully for them, or I'd go up there to find that they've destroyed it into tiny little pieces. I'm betting on the latter.
Unfortunately, I think the monkey cages will not work. The problem is that our cribs have an arc-shaped top on each end so it would roll to one side or the other. But, I could be persuaded to build some monkey cages with tops, bottoms, BIG LOCKS, newspaper on the bottom like for bird cages, etc. Hmmm, I like the sound of it. Steph, can you pick up some metal, a blow torch and some humongous locks and have them put in the media room before I get home?
I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I was so excited about the possibility that something might ACTUALLY work and now it's been crushed by none other than my wonderful husband. :(
Men don't mean it Steph. The dream crushing sense of practicality is just bred into them. Sigh. In any case, I think his practicality could be put to good use. I bet he and Braun could build a real nice cage. In fact, I bet this could be a game. The boys could race and whoever got the first cage built could buy a new "man tool" for his power tool collection. This still could work. In the meantime I'll pray for your sanity. And Kate's too.
I wouldn't mind having a set of tools for myself, the pink tools... like the hammer with the pink handle that you have!
Steph, don't forget the DUCT TAPE. A must for any unsupervised diaper situation. Be sure to wrap a piece all the way around the diaper and have the overlap part in back! (They can rip off strips)
As soon as pay-day is here on Monday, the first purchase we will make is going to be duct tape. I'm tired of being the poop cleaner-upper. What I REALLY need to do is get them potty-trained! I've been kinda lazy about that.
hmmm... just thought of something. Let's hope this doesn't happen. Usually with the girls, when they are in a predicament, they will help eachother get out of it. I really hope the duct tape won't be one of those "predicaments"!
So mom called me to tell me how funny this blog posting was...personally I think its horrific and not funny at all. Mostly because this is what, possibly, I have to forward to one day. Not funny mom, not funny at all.
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